Observing with evaluating

What some of us call lazy some call tired or easy-going, what some of us call stupid some just call a different knowing, so I’ve come to the conclusion, it will

save us all confusion if we don’t mix up what we can see

with what is our opinion.

Because you may, I want to say also; I know that’s only my opinion.

  • Ruth Bebermeyer

Observation vs evaluation

1. use verb to be without indication that evaluator takes responsibilty for the evaluation

  • bad - you are too generous
  • better - when I see you do this. (observation) I think you are this. (evaluation)

2. Use verbs with evaluation connotations

  • bad - Doug procrastinates. (muddled observation and evaluation)
  • better - Doug only studies for exams night before (observation)

3. implication that one’s inferences about another person’s thought, feelings, intentions or desires are only ones possible

  • bad - She won’t get her work in (muddled observation and evaluation)
  • better - don’t think she’ll gather work in. / She said she won’t get work in.

4. confusion of prediction with certainty

  • bad - if you don’t do this, you will be this (muddled observation and evaluation)
  • better - if you don’t do this, I fear you might be this. (evaluation)

5. Failure to be specific about referents

=> stereotyping

  • bad - “they” are like that. (muddled)
  • better - I have not seen their family shovel snow since 1980s (observation)

6. Use of words denoting ability without indicating that an evaluation is being made

  • bad - He is a poor soccer player
  • better - He haven’t scored in 20 games

7. Use of adverbs and adjectives in ways that do not evaluate

  • bad - He is ugly
  • better - he is not my type

always, never, ever, whenever is observation words that can be used for exaggeration

my take

its better to be more precise. dont use static generalizations. stereotyping.

The Mask

Always a mask

Held in the slim hand whitely

Always she had a mask before her face—

Truly the wrist

Holding it lightly

Fitted the task:

Sometimes however

Was there a shiver,

Fingertip quiver,

Ever so slightly—

Holding the mask?

For years and years and years I wondered

But dared not ask

And then—

I blundered,

Looked behind the mask,

To find

Nothing—

She had no face.

She had become

Merely a hand

Holding a mask

With grace.

—Author unknown

My take

Being too agreeable is a curse. This fact is well researched on females with auto immune diseases. It seems the burden taken on by females have an effect on their biology.

The repercussion of getting into disagreement however can be dire. Disagreeing get females bullied, isolated and even physically murdered in some cases. This is on my mind. But need research on how to handle conflicts.

However, being up front and honest is something I would like. More research on this.